Lyrics


The Mark, Tom And Travis Show (The Enema Strikes Back)
Release Date: 11/7/2000
Recorded at The Bill Graham Civic Auditorium November 4, 1999 and Universal Amphitheater, November 5, 1999

1. Dumpweed 2:53
2. Don't Leave Me 2:38
3. Alien's Exist 3:43
4. Family Reunion 0:51
5. Going Away To College 3:40
6. Whats' My Age Again? 3:18
7. Dick Lips 3:35
8. Blow Job 0:40
9. Untitled 3:07
10. Voyeur 3:28
11. Pathetic 2:51
12. Adam's Song 4:35
13. Peggy Sue 3:47
14. Wendy Clear 4:09
15. Carousel 3:38
16. All The Small Things 3:35
17. Mutt 3:39
18. Country Song 1:00
19. Dammit 3:05
20. Man Overboard 2:46



1. Dumpweed - (2:53)

It's understood, I said it many ways
too scared to run, I'm too scared stay
I said I'd leave, but I could never leave her
and if I did, you know I'd never cheat her

But this I ask, it's what I want to know
how would you feel, if I should choose to go
another guy, you think he'd be unlike me
another guy, you think he'd want to fight me

She's a dove, she's a fucking nightmare
unpredictable, it was my mistake to stay here
on the go and it's way too late to play
I need a girl that I can train

I heard it once, I'm sure I heard it twice
my dad used to give me all of his advice
he would say you got to turn your back and run now
come on son, you haven't got a chance now

She's a dove, she's a fucking nightmare
unpredictable, it was my mistake to stay here
on the go and it's way too late to play
I need a girl that I can train

She's a dove, she's a fucking nightmare
unpredictable, it was my mistake to stay here
on the go and it's way too late to play
I need a girl that I can train

Need a girl that I can train
need a girl that I can train
turn your back and run now
you haven't got a chance now

Need a girl that I can train
need a girl that I can train
turn your back and run now
you haven't got a chance now

------------

Tom: Wow! Hey, I'm fucking in the mood... to party!
Mark: Hey all right!
Tom: Well fucking all right!
Hey, you know what we're gonna to do tonight?
A whole lotta fuckin.
Mark: We're all gonna get laid!
This song's about my herpes, it's called Don't Leave Me,
it goes like this.


3. Aliens Exist - (3:43)

Hey mom there's something in the backroom
hope it's not the creature from above
you used to read me stories
as if my dreams were boring
we all know conspiracies are dumb

What if people knew that these were real
I'd leave my closet door open all night
I know the CIA would say
what you hear is all hearsay
I wish someone would tell me what was right

Up all night long
and there's something very wrong
and I know it must be late
been gone since yesterday
I'm not like you guys
I'm not like you

I am still a skeptic yes you know me
been best friends and will be till we die
I got an injection
of blood from the erection
my best friend thinks I'm just humping guys
alright

Up all night long
and there's something very wrong
and I know it must be late
been gone since yesterday
I'm not like you guys
I'm not like you

Dark and scary, ordinary
explanation, information
nice to know ya, paranoia
where's my mother, biofather

Up all night long
and there's something very wrong
and I know it must be late
been gone since yesterday
I'm not like you guys
twelve majestic lies

------------

Mark: Tom has sex with guys!
Tom: Hey Mark! Who here thinks that I look very similar
to Tom Cruise. Thank you.
Mark: Yeah...
Tom: I think so too.
Mark: Like, like Tom Cruise in that movie "Born On The
Fourth Of July"? That one? Where he's handicapped and retarded
and stupid and nobody likes him and he just shits all over himself
and he's a fucking asshole, hey!
Tom: That was mean!
Mark: That's right!
Tom: Never attack somebody that shits on himself. Do you guys think
it's weird, to shit your pants when you're sleeping? Not that I do
it... but I did it last night. And I haven't taken a shower since
and I'm wondering if that's what smells.
Mark: Woo! Poopie! Poopoo, caca!
Hey, I wrote this next song, you wanna hear it?
Tom: You don't have a choice.
Mark: It goes like this.


4. Family Reunion - (0:51)

Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, terd, and twat
Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, terd, and twat
Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, terd, and twat
Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, terd, and twat
I fucked your mom!

------------

Mark: Thank you. Thank so very, very much.
Hey, this next song is about falling in love.
Tom: What's it about?
Mark: I don't know. This song is about love!
Let's give it up for love!
Tom: I'll tell you what I love!
Mark: You know what's the best part of falling in love is?
Tom: Sex?
Mark: It's the oral sex. That's right.
Tom: The pleasure.



5. Going Away To College - (3:40)

Please take me by the hand
it's so cold out tonight
I'll put blankets on the bed
I won't turn out the light
just don't forget to think about me
and I won't forget you
I'll write you once a week she said
once a week she said

Why does it feel the same
to fall in love or break it off
and if young love is just a game
then I must have missed the kick off
don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything
but I'd go through hell for you and

I haven't been this scared in a long time
and I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine
bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
this world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful, Sky Lee

And I'll think about the times
you kissed me after class
and you put up with my friends
I acted like an ass
I'd ditch my lecture to watch the girls play soccer
is my picture still hanging in your locker?

I haven't been this scared in a long time
and I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine
bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
this world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful

I haven't been this scared in a long time
and I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine
bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
this world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful...

------------

Mark: ...to Travis!!!
Tom: Hey Mark!
Mark: Hey... if you guys are anything like me, you
like to dress up in your mother's underwear and walk
around the house trying to seduce your father.
What, just me?
Tom: I'm like you, I try to do seduce your dad!
Mark: Remember, remember that one time, when I walked
over to your house, and, your brother was there, with
the peanut butter smeared all over his weiner, and he's
all, "come here boy, come here! come here boy, come,
dididididididididi... who likes the Skippy? Who likes
the Skippy peanut butter?
Mark: Give it up for tom
Tom: This song is really hard to play, it's really hard
to play, I would appreciate it if you don't listen to me
for the next two and a half minutes, alright?
Shut the fuck up!


6. What's My Age Again - (2:26)


I took her out it was Friday night
I wore cologne to get the feeling right
we started making out and she took off my pants
but then I turned on the TV

And that's about the time that she walked away from me
nobody likes you when you're 23
and are still more amused by TV shows
what the fuck is a.d.d.?
my friends say I should act my age
what's my age again?
what's my age again?

Then later on, on the drive home
I called her mom from a pay phone
I said I was the cops
and your husband's in jail
this state looks down on sodomy

And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me
nobody likes you when you're 23
and are still more amused by prank phone calls
what the fuck is caller ID?
my friends say I should act my age
what's my age again?
where's my asian friend?

(It's the slow pretty part!)

And that's about the time she walked away from me
nobody likes you when you're 23
and you still act like you're in Freshman year
what the fuck is wrong with me?
my friends say I should act my age
what's my age again?

And that's about the time she broke up with me
no one should take themselves so seriously
with many years ahead to fall in line
why would you wish that on me?
I never want to act my age
what's my age again?
who's my asian friend?

What's my age again?

------------

Mark: Where's my asian friend?
Fuck yeah!
Tom: Hey Mark! I'm starting to get sweaty, and contrary to what
most people think, I think I look better wet. I've been campaigning
this for about two years now. So throughout the show, you will see
me getting sexier and sexier as it gets hotter and hotter. Ya know?
Mark: And...
Tom: And what?
Mark: If you watch close enough, you might watch Tom getting fatter
and fatter as the show goes on too.
Tom: Why would I be getting fatter?
Mark: Cause...
Tom: Boobies!!!
Mark: Oh jeez. Stop it, no.
Tom: You are too young.
Mark: You're way too young. Gosh. Let me tell you why you're gonna get
fatter and fatter, because dog semen is full of calories.
Tom: Yeah, don't eat dog semen, we hear that there's, uh, there's...,
it's the number one cause of, uh, bad breath.
Hey, this song is about when I had too much alcoholic beverages and
got kicked out of high school, wrote a song about it, and here it goes
like this.
Mark: Wanna here it, here it goes!



7. Dick Lips - (3:35)

Please, mom
you ground me all the time
I know that I was right
all along

And I'm hoping
remember I'm a kid
I know not what I did
just having fun

You couldn't wait for something new
and yesterday I thought of you
it left me to think as if I couldn't walk away
it's too late, I fell through

Nothing to lose
a boy who went out when he finished all his chores
nothing to do
they can't trust me because I blew it once before

Shit, dad
please don't kick my ass
I know I've seen you trashed
at least one time

Can I blame it
on one of my dumb friends
it's been awhile
since I have used that line

You couldn't wait (you couldn't wait)
for something new (for something new)
and yesterday (and yesterday)
I thought of you (I thought of you)
it left me to think as if I couldn't walk away
it's too late, I fell through

Nothing to lose
a boy who went out when he finished all his chores
nothing to do
they can't trust me because I blew it once before

(Alright)

Nothing to lose
a boy who went out when he finished all his chores
nothing to do
they can't trust me because I blew it once before

------------

Tom: Hey, uh, Mark.
Mark: What, what the fuck do you want Tom? I'm sick of
"hey Mark, hey, hey Mark, hey Mark, hey look at this,
hey, look at, look at how I can make it bigger if I rub
it, look at this, hey Mark, come here."
Tom: No, seriously, Mark, hey, hey Mark. I wasn't really
masturbating. I've never done that. I was, uh... I was
inspecting my testicles for weird bumps.
Mark: That's what you say. That's what you say if your
parents ever catch you. "I wasn't masturbating, I was just
cleaning it and it went off."
Tom: You guys wanna hear a song that I wrote about four days
ago? Cause you really don't have a choice, you might as
well be into it.
Mark: Yeah, you might as well act like you want to hear it
cause otherwise we'll play it twice.
Tom: Yeah, you bastards. Song goes like this.


8. Blow Job - (0:40)

It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
from your mom


9. Untitled - (3:06)

I think of awhile ago
we might have had it all
I was so stupid then
you needed time to grow

But now just as things change
as well my feelings do
in time things rearrange
I am so sick of chasing you

But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose
you make me regret those times I spent with you
and playing those games as I wait for your call
and now I give up, so goodbye and so long

It's not a change of pace
this time I'll get it right
it's not a change of taste
I was the one there last night

You have your other friends
they were there when you cried
didn't mean to hurt you then
best friends just won't leave your side

But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose
you make me regret those times I spent with you
and playing those games as I wait for your call
and now I give up, so goodbye and so long

It's not a change of pace
this time I'll get it right
it's not a change of taste
I was the one there last night

When I needed you most
when I needed a friend
you let me down now
like I let you down then

So sorry, it's over

------------

Tom: Oh, that song's done, we're done with that song now.
You guys can rest.
Mark: Satan has something to say.
Satan: Are you guys havin' a good time tonight? I'm havin'
a hum-didely-doo of a good time tonight. I like poetry, and
flowers and pictures of unicorns.
Tom: Thousands of naked boys.
Satan: And a thousand naked children molesting my weiner.
Tom: Wha, wait, what are some of the things that Satan loves?
Satan: Satan loves... unicorns... pictures, and poetry, and
long walks on the beach.
Tom: Hey, pay attention you fu... boobies!!!



10. Voyeur - (3:28)

And when the day ends I'm sure she feels sorrow
the lonely guy I am, I like to watch her change
I've been here two days, I'll sure be here tomorrow
I'd eat her out if she were on my dinner plate

(And I wish)
I wish she'd be more kind now
I'm out of luck 'cause the shades are pulled down
I've seen everything there is to be shown
I followed her all the way home

I can't be too cool in a tree with my pants down
the air is cold and I've got splinters in my feet
she caught me once, but I don't think that she cares now
unlike before, her view is now blocked by a leaf

(And I wish)
I wish she'd be more kind now
I'm out of luck 'cause the shades are pulled down
I've seen everything there is to be shown
I followed her all the way home

I bet this last time's the one time too many (na na na)
the rush of waiting is burning through my head (na na na)
right after supper her brother shower's twice a week (na na na)
he kicks my ass so much, that fucking white inbred (na na na)

I've made mistakes by looking in the wrong window
her dad is big and I've never seen his face
I've been here two days, and I'll sure be here tomorrow
my lady's so sweet, she likes to entertain

(And I wish)
I wish she'd be more kind now
I'm out of luck 'cause the shades are pulled down
I've seen everything there is to be shown
I followed her all the way home

I bet this last time's the one time too many (na na na)
The rush of waiting is burning through my head (na na na)
Right after supper her brother shower's twice a week (na na na)
He kicks my ass so much, that filthy white inbred (na na na)

(Mark: Hang on... hang on...
Tom: Hey, uh...
Mark: The song's not quite over yet, but...
Tom: The song's not done, we have to prepare for the bass guitar
solo. How ya doin?
Mark: I need oxygen to the stage please!
Tom: You need...
Mark: Oxygen and oral sex to the stage please.
Tom: And maybe some of those male chromosomes. To the stage.
Mark: Here's where I do the big bass solo people. Give it up
for me! Thank you.
Tom: Shh, here it comes, here it comes!)

(1, 2, 3, 4!)

------------

Tom: I want all you kids to know... that I'm going to think of
every single one of you tonight when I'm all alone inside my bunk.
Starting with you! I'm starting with you.
Mark: Hey, this next song, is for anybody that knew us before Enema
of the state. And it goes like this.



11. Pathetic - (2:50)

I know I'm pathetic, I knew when she said it
a loser, a bum's what she called me when I drove her home
there's no more waiting and sure no more wasting
I've done all I can but she still wants to be left alone

You got, you got, you got to help me out
and I'll try not to argue
no one, no one, no one likes a drop-out
mistakes are hard to undo

Don't pull me down, this is where I belong
I think I'm different, but I'm the same and I'm wrong
don't pull me down, this is where I belong
I think I'm different, this is where I belong, belong

I think it's disgusting, believing and trusting
if I gave a fuck there would be nothing for me to prove
although it's amusing, it's slightly confusing
I've done all I can but her ego is still hard to move

You got, you got, you got to help me out
and I'll try not to argue
no one, no one, no one likes a drop-out
mistakes are hard to undo

Don't pull me down, this is where I belong
I think I'm different, but I'm the same and I'm wrong
don't pull me down, this is where I belong
I think I'm different, this is where I belong, belong

Don't pull me down, this is where I belong
I think I'm different, this is where I belong

------------

Tom: Hey, you guys know...
Mark: You guys havin' fun?
Tom: We're professionals. You might not have noticed that,
but we are professionals at what we do. We just professionally
suck, and professionally act like a bunch of assholes on stage,
that's what we do. We're just as God made us.
Mark: Hey! You better wipe that shit-eating grin off your face
cause this next song is a sad one. And, uhhhh... more importantly
than that, if you're eating shit and grinning, then today's probably
not your day anyways, so, whatever.


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